My babies, the warriors

No mother forgets the first time she feels baby kicks. With Declan, I was in a French class. I was sure that French was the first sound he heard when he gained awareness. With Carmen, I was lying in bed with Michael and Declan. Michael's hand was on my belly. With Conor, Michael was away on a business trip. I begun talking to my son in Spanish. Chico, chico, chico. With the twins, I was sitting Conor on the floor in his chair to entertain himself with kitchen pots while I made a cake. When I handed Conor the spatula, the babies began to flutter. I immediately ran to the phone and called Michael. He was in a meeting with several important people from Botswana. "Mikey," I said to his secretary, "THETWINSJUSTMOVEDANDIFELTITANDOHMYGOD." His secretary, who is used to my crazy, whispered, "Hold on a sec, Ashley." I could hear the sounds of her getting my husband's attention and whispering, "Some sort of new revelation with the babies." My husband's patient voice answered the phone, "What's happened, Ash?"
"They're there, Michael," I said, "They're really there."

We took Declan to the ER last week following what we thought was an asthma attack. He was sweating and could hardly breathe. Carmen came running to our room to inform us of this. "Deccie- sick," she had said. Michael phoned the ambulance and immediately I begun trying to calm my son down while thinking of the million things I would have to do- find socks and jackets for the other children and the keys to the apartment. My mind began answering questions I knew would be asked- any other medical problems, any other incidents of breathing, full name, age, height, developmental milestones. It was the first time.
"He's healthy," I told the paramedic. By this time, Declan was hiccuping and struggling for breath. He was put on oxygen and I followed him in the ambulance to the children's hospital. He was examined quickly. Michael and our younger children arrived soon after. At around 9am, a psychiatrist came to see us. He asked lots of questions about Declan and his personality. We answered honestly- he thinks a lot, he is very intelligent, he is the eldest child, he shows much compassion for his younger brother and sister. Yes, we have moved- many different countries. The psychiatrist explained that Declan has an anxiety disorder, probably caused by all the moves. He sees the psychologist next Monday at Fabiola Hospital.
Some options were presented to us- psychotherapy, medications. Michael explained it was a one off thing. Our son is otherwise healthy. This came as a shock. He asked if medication is necessary. Michael and I do not agree with medicating children unless absolutely necessary. The psychologist agreed we could trial psychotherapy. We have also installed a baby monitor in his room, beside his bed.
Michael and I have found it difficult to sleep soundly after that. We lie awake, wondering what is troubling our son. We wonder if he would be having these problems if we had stayed in one place. We talk to him, always ask him if he is okay. He is staunch and shrugs off our questions. Ca va maman! The psychiatrist said to ask his teachers how he is going. Michael and I made an appointment, all the while wondering if his teachers would talk of his nervous demeanour and diminishining progress. Instead, they said Declan is advancing. He has made many friends. Maybe Josef, Oceane and Braedin would want to come and play at our house?

There is so much to parenting. We always wonder if we could do more. We always wonder if we are involved enough with our children, if they know the extent of our love and care for them. Michael and I always agreed family was the number one thing, but had our moves and focus on new babies inadvertently neglected the other children? Michael took a day off and went to Carmen's playschool. Carmen showed Michael off to her teachers and friends. "Daddy's here to play with me!" Carmen announced proudly. There was a tone of surprise in her voice. The teacher reassured Michael. He said most fathers never come. Most fathers work fulltime.

Conor's milestones are rapidly increasing. He is able to hold toys, roll over both ways, giggle, attempt to copy our words, and is already exhibiting a preference for Michael and I over assorted relatives and friends. I signed us up for a Mommy-Baby dance group, which Kim and her daughter Olympia adore.

I will try and post more often. I have started translating 2 days a week. I have a contract with a local company until October when I can start maternity leave with the twins. I am 15 weeks along. The morning sickness has eased up and I am feeling more healthy and energetic. I am already piling the weight on. People are starting to ask me when I am due. I am enjoying this, my last pregnancy. It's almost 4am, I had better go to sleep. Chao.